I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
