Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
