More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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