We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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