I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You need a sexual gate keeper
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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