Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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