She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
