I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize