Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
