haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
