If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love having hate sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize