So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
