Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
