It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
