I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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