your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
