For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
