Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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