how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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