i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Watching her eat just hurts me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
