she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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