There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
