whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
