I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize