Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
