I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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