im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
