Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
