i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
