just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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