I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
