The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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