Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
