You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize