You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
