My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
