her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize