Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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