my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
