i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
