His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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