I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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