I puked a lego.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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