He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
