Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
