If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
