dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
