Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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