If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
