I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
