so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
