No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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