the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
