Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
