Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
