Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
