I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
