On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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