I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
