man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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