she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
