you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I need to sanitize my soul.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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