what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
