Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
