I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize