you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
birth control should be required to get into college
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
