I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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