return my video game
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
