When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
