i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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