I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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