Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm having to shit out rocks
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