I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
