By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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