I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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