Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
