If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's never too late to be topless.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
