The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize