the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
