Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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