Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FUCK WHALES
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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