I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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