sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
