I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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