"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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