I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
