Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
