Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
