Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize