i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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