ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize