look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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