16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
