First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
