These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
