69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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