I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
