I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
