Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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